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4.26.2009

She Dances with Angels by Cathrine Feehely(edited by Monika Shaw)

How does one describe the life of one who has left an indelible mark upon their life carved upon the pages of the heart? Perhaps a song written by the hand of God?

A family of six siblings we became best friends and remain lovingly and closely involved in each others' lives, always available when another was in need.
And so it was no surprise, on July 4th, 1985 when my sister gave birth to a beautiful girl named Stacey that I would come to love her as the daughter I never had.
From the moment she found her ability to speak, we knew that this determined, outgoing little girl had a mission. One could not help but to be taken aback by her matter-of-fact statements; in awe at the wisdom that was well beyond her years.
A personality that earned her the nick name of Stella Bella she commanded the attention of all. A bit bossy in nature, she was relentless in her efforts to obtain what she deemed necessary, going so far as to lie on the floor wailing that she was about to die due to a broken heart after being scolded by her mother. Or in sheer frustration exclaiming that there was no dealing with her mother at certain times of the month.

Stacey appeared to behave as a healthy little girl with the normal childhood ailments, periodically complaining about a pain in her leg which her doctor diagnosed as “growing pains”. However, much to our dismay and shock, that would not to be the case.
It was a cold day in January, when I received the call that changed our lives from that point on. My sister was at the hospital with Stacey explaining that the evening before my niece had begun to vomit blood. Alone with her daughter, she faced the news no parent want to hear; Stacey was in the late stages of cancer which had spread to her lungs. She had at most but a few months to live.

During the next several months, we experienced an emotional roller coaster of laughter, joy, happiness, appreciating the blessings, savoring the moments, feeling the anger, exhaustion, guilt and fear that came with the demands of caring for terminally ill child. We witnessed the wisdom of a child who wished only to share her time and limited strength with those who had earned the right to be near, and would cleverly think of ways to avoid some visitors with grace.

A few days before passing requested the privacy to speak with individual
loved ones. Two days later, she felt the need to not allow anyone else to visit, so she could spend time alone with her mom. As she was held her in the arms of her loving mother, she said that we she was tired. And in an act of the purest kind of love, my sister told her not to worry, she would be alright was free to go if she believed it was time. She closed her eyes and the spirit that had touched our lives was released.
One might think that this was far too great a demand made by an uncaring Creator, but I have chosen to believe that the greater loss would have been found in not being chosen to participate in her life as she fulfilled a purpose that would not be restrained within our dreams and goals.
If one is to believe that we are not human beings seeking a spiritual experience but spiritual beings living the human experience, then we may be able to find our way to understand even when unable to willingly accept the time appointed journey of a loved one to go home.

For those who have suffered the loss of a child, it is not ours to know the depth of your pain. It is a place of calling not choice that freezes the bystander in fear with the thought. There are no platitudes or words of condolence worthy of this sacred place. There is only the hope that from these ashes you will find the strength to rise up and make known the legacy left behind by one for whom you love.

That in time, you will be able to sense the memory of their presence prompting within you the grace to move ahead in the fulfillment of your divine purpose. I bend my knees, bow my head in respect honoring those who have been given the highest of callings and given the greatest of sacrifices.

For me, I have come to the place to choose not to allow the dark clouds of pain to
overshadow the presence of a life that gave me the greatest cause for celebration. I know that Stacey’s spirit dances in places only for the chosen, she dances with Angels.

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1 comments:

Cathrine said...

Thanks Monika for sharing my story. I hope it is of help to many. I will send this out to my group.

Cathrine